I don't care anymore. I just need to get out of high school and go far far away from here. I'll never answer your calls or even give you my address. Just drive away and never look back. I can't wait till college. So refreshing and challenging and something that i can devote myself to. Something that i will be completely in control of. I will get myself there. I won't need you for anything. I don't care if you support my financially or not. I don't need you. For anything. Stop pretending like you care, we both know you don't.

i wish i was beautiful. and happy. i need to get away from this negative environment before its to late.

im going to college!........

Is it that hard for you to congratulate me? apparently so, because all you can talk about is how i'm a failure and how nothing is set in stone. yea i get it, i fucked up. i took ownership. don't smear my past mistakes in front of me when all i've ever wanted was your approval. so fuck you, asshole.

you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one

Although i've listened to the song imagine by john Lennon dozens of times, it was as if i heard it for the first time today. It came up on itunes and before i even realized it tears were streaming down my face. I'm not sad.. or happy.. I just am. I've never had a song make tears steadily stream down my face. It's a nice feeling to cry over something so beautiful. It's relieving. Sometimes i wonder where all the beautiful things in the world have gone. Are they gone, or am i simply unable to recognize beauty when it dances before me.
I wonder when i will be able to see and think clearly again. I really do believe it is still a beautiful world. Seeing is believing. I believe. I believe. I believe....
I'm not sure if i'm trying to convince you or me...

Life is wonderful

Happy Thanksgiving!
i'm not sure who i'm saying that too since im pretty sure no one reads my blog...
But i was thinking about this and every year we go around the table saying what we're thankful for. Have you ever not known what to say? How about the classic"i'm thankful for my family and food" The end.

But thinking about it, how absurd is that? Our world is full of billions of things, trillions, and all we can come up with is "i'm thankful for food and family"? I mean god blesses us with so many gifts everyday. Every situation of our life changes us, whether it be positive or negative. We all lead different lives. I have a lot to be thankful for, and really i'm thankful for everything. For the good, the bad. The ups and the downs; the wrong and the right. I'm thankful for every single moment that i've ever been hurt because it has only taught me to be a stronger individual, to accept others help, to understand that "it takes some good to make it hurt, and it takes some bad for satisfaction"

I'm thankful for feeling alone, because it helped me see that i had friends and family to help and comfort me.
I'm thankful for being short on money because then i could appreciate when i had extra to spend.
I'm thankful for moving away from my friends because it showed me they cared enough to keep in touch.
I'm thankful for sickness so it could teach me to cherish my health.
I'm thankful for falling so i could learn to get up.
I'm thankful for you hurting me so i could learn to reconcile.
I'm thankful for hatred, so i could see that you can still love.

With all the bad in the world, there is always a positive. We must learn to accept the life lessons as gifts, because everything happens for a reason

So this year i'm thankful for everything. Literally, EVERYTHING.

I will take the chain from off the door

It's a vicious circle. And it's terrifying.
I am you. I was you. The thoughts running through your head, ran through mine. I'm sure of it. I have no words of comfort. Know when you need me, I'll always be there. Silent as I listen to you cry, because I know from experience that words don't bring comfort. They're only noise that blend in with the world. Words won't heal your bruises, only time. I can't stop the pain that encompasses you. It's not your fault and you know it.
I whisper words into ears for you. Try and make others understanding. You will never know that, but i hope they do help. I guess I'll never know.

The scariest part is that one day this will be me, and it will also be you. We'll have no control of it.We'll push away everyone that's close to us, everything that matters. And then everything will be one dark abyss.

I believe there's hope. Somewhere. You will emerge from this dark tunnel, and you will realize; It is still a beautiful world.

Love,
your V.V.F.M.

The shadow in the background of the morgue

I won't always be able to hide behind my quirky persona. Even though I don't know you and all i know is you sit behind me in class it kind of hurts when you talk about me. Who are you to talk about me behind my back. I have no clue why this bothers me so much, but it does. I barely talk to you, yet you openly criticize me on your free time? Stupid freshman.